HOW TO BE A CODED GOSSIPER- NAIJA STYLE

    Gossip is all about saying the wrong thing to the right person.  A coded gossip is a matured gossip. She/he is that type of amebo that people always want to identify and gist with because they know with you, any type of tatafo is fun, easy and most of all well-guarded. Besides you have the added advantage of not falling into those twisted tales of confrontation that arise from saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.

     If you do not entertain the idle act of gossiping, you don’t like to talk about or hear others talk about people whether slanderously or not, then this post is not for you. I would never intend to upset you deliberately so this is the perfect time to turn away. Click on the ← key on your keypad or touch screen to go back.

     If you’re reading this paragraph, it can only mean two things, you’ve gossiped in the past, and you will gossip in the future. Lol. Gossip doesn’t always have to be malicious and slanderous. Sometimes it may be harmless, fun and relaxing. Like the other day, mumsy was in a bus on her way back from work. Her driver, probably because of the way he drove, offended another driver on the other lane. The annoyed driver turned to mumsy’s driver and said “look at your head like a he-goat”. Mumsy said because she was sitting directly behind the driver, she actually turned to look at his head and behold she had never seen someone’s head look so much like a he-goat before. Lol. Its true that we were talking about this man, but it was in a funny way and not out of malice.

     This post is not really for the experienced and well-versed gossips who have been in the business for long, but you’re free to read on because I’ll need you to spot those areas where I’ll likely mis-yarn or add ideas for all those who intend to learn about how to be mature, coded gossipers.

If you’re not getting the best out of your gossip adventures then you’re not doing it right.

How do you know you’re not getting the best

ü  You always hear the fake version of the main gist

ü  The number of your followers (fellow gossippers) are decreasing even when you’re begging to have them back

ü  People stop talking when you walk into the room

ü  Nobody takes what you say seriously probably because they know as usual, you’re re-circulating the fake gist you heard

It’s different when you want this on purpose and you start withdrawing from your followers. If however, these things are happening without your consent, then this is what you need to do

How to be a Coded Gossip

1.You must be observant

You don’t have to say things like “don’t tell him what I just said” or “what I’m saying is for your ears only”. No need for that because as a truly mature gossiper, you’ve observed over a period of time the type of people you’re dealing with. You know when to spill, what to spill and to whom to spill. You know who is most likely going to back-stab you and who isn’t. So observation is key, and proper usage of observed facts will save you a lot of trouble.

2. Contribution

Contribution is vital to make any private conversation interesting and engaging. No one will come back to give you more gist if all you ever mutter is “mmmh, yes oh, imagine that”. But you have to be cautious. What you contribute completely depends on who you’re dealing with. If you’re dealing with a potential back-stabber, instead of saying “God will punish Ireti because nothing she has ever done has brought happiness to anyone’s life”, you can say “it amazes me atimes the way Ireti does things, atleast our happiness should matter”. This way, you have put it mildly while maintaining the same engaging effect.

3. Being naughty

You have to have a naughty side. It is this side of you that magically transforms any conversation into something that you both can laugh about while being serious at the same time. This makes the gist fun, interesting and your partners in crime just keep coming back.

3. Keeping Secrets

This is the most important tip. To be a coded gossipper, you must be able to keep secrets. If you have a leaky mouth or leaky attitude, seal it!  If you’re the type that spreads confidential gist onto the next partner, then you’ll speedily lose your partners. Whatever I tell you stays with you and whatever she tells you stays with you. Not even your attitude should give you away. That way you can become a common ground that your followers are free to talk to because they know you’re credible and it’s safe with you. It is a very attractive quality and this way, the gists just keep knocking at your doorstep, whether you open or not is your decision.

At this juncture, let me say this, GOSSIPING IS NOT A VIRTUE AND WILL NEVER BE. But until you learn to desist from it, atleast be matured about it.  Right?

@rajeteng