JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!

           Some people are just chatter boxes. They keep going on & on &  on & on & on…..wetin!! I fear for them atimes sef. The other day I was in a bus back home, I happened to be on the phone with Mumsy so it was more like a local-dialect conversation. After the call was terminated, the lady next to me was like

Lady: “ah ah, so you’re from Akwa-Ibom?” I was like,

Me: naah, Cross River, although I understand a little bit of the language.

Lady: “eh heh! Its nice to always find someone in this useless Lagos that actually comes from our side. So you’re like my sister now o?”   I was like,

Me:   Errr, well, yeah ofcourse I am.

Lady: ok. My name is Mabel, although the one my father and mother gave me was Mbosowo. But the thing is, since I came to this Lagos, whenever I tell somebody my name is Mbosowo, they will be asking me eh! eh! eh!. so I just vexed and changed it to Mabel. Now, when I tell them, especially all these men that like chyking me anyhow, they’ll be like that’s such a nice name, you even sound like an American..hahahaha.. that’s because when I pronounce it I do it in a very sexy way, like Meiiiiibelllll ….hahaha. you like it ba?

*see me see case o, why would I really care about the etiology or sex appeal of your name*

Me:  yeah, it’s a nice name, Mbosowo is also nice too.

Lady: ah ah! You pronounced it very well o, I’m shocked. Where did you learn to pronounce it like that, abi its your name too …hahaha… don’t mind me. Hmmm, if everybody could say it like that there would have been no need to change my name, but all these people, you will say the name ten times before they are satisfied. Hmmm.

*by this time, the whole bus was quiet and gladly listening to our annoying conversation*

Me: *rolling my eyes* I told you I can speak the language a little.

Lady: okay, yes you did. Anyway, I’m happy for this ASUU strike o, atleast it has given me enough time to really cover a lot in my academic work. Ah! Before the strike, I had so many carryovers from last semester and I was just thinking of how I will read for those ones and the ones of this coming semester.

*you have got to be kidding me!…really? how is this any of my business?*

Although my academic adviser said that I can only write carryovers first, then if any space remains that’s when I’ll write this semesters course. But forget that man, I’ll just write all and store them. Nobody will know, afterall its my brain and time. See eh, its not like I’m not a serious student o, infact I am very hardworking, but theres this Dr. like that in Physics dept that has so many connections in school. He said he wanted to sleep with me and that if I refused I will not pass.  

*rolling my eyes uncontrollably* *please somebody tell this girl it aff do oo, I no wan hear again*

And behold, I refused. Do you know what he did, he went around my department telling all my lecturers to fail me. I heard the story na, I was just shocked that somebody could be that wicked. Chai! That man eh, by the time I get back on my feet I’ll deal with him. Unical no be school abeg.

*I kinda got interested at this point, u know na, as a malabress*

Me: oh, you’re in Unical, which department?

Lady: I’m in Zoology, 2^nd year, although I’m not always in school o, I only enter on important days. Other times, I just collect notes from my friends and stay at home to read so that nobody will see me. You know all these people, when they see….

Me: calm down na, wait first. This Dr. you’re talking about, what’s his name? (‘cos I’ve actually heard some stories about some lecturers in Physics)

Lady: one Dr Eteng like that.

*the devil is a LIAR!!. Dr. Eteng ko, my father ni*

Me: Dr. Eteng in Physics, you sure? The Dr Eteng I know is in Math department

Lady: No o, this one is in Physics, I told you I did background check on him na. I want to treat his f***-up when I’m stable. Wait o, are you in Unical too?

Me: nononono, My younger sister is in Unical. I’m a graduate

Lady: are you serious!! So all this while I’ve been talking to a graduate, eh heh…your own is good o. from which school?

Me: Driver owa! Driver owa o! Odogunyan Owa!  Okay Mabel, I’ve reached my final bus stop, have a nice day.

*I’m trying to alight from the bus*

Lady: ok. Ah, you didn’t even tell me your name. Oya gimme your number sef na

Me: number ke, Mbosowo bye bye o

*Bus zooms off*

Some people don’t just know when to shut the hell upppp….jeeez!!! my ear is still recovering from her resounding voice. As for the lecturer, I hope to God that the she was making up the story or he's actually in physics o, if not, Daddy your wahala plenty.

@rajeteng
rajeteng@gmail.com